the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
