Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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