he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
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