she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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