maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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