i just google imaged poop.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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