I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
How external is "for external use only"?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
