There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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