Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We left the knife in your bed.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
