he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
