ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
