She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
