I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
