I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
