Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
