He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize