I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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