also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
