I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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