I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
