Redeem this text for a blowjob
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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