five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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