Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
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