dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
