hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
