I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize