Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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