Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
