he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
