I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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