I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just gargled with NyQuil
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
