I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
