I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
