My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
