i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
