State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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