Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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