am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
