Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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