the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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