So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
