I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Randomize
