He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
