I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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