hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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