but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I look better un-naked...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
