I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
