I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I had to cum in my sink.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
