your room smells of hookers.
And success
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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