birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
