Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize