dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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