i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
