My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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