You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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