Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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