We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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