I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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