there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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