Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
