Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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