Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize