They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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