I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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