Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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