just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
