Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
