My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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