We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize