At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
