Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize