I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
