I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
