Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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