we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
