Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
