Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize