These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
