Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
