what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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