Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
