Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
