you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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